Feelin’ blue

Or purple? Or dark green or maybe patterned even? I asked myself this as I had a mooch around the local charity shop. I had a strict budget in mind but I had realistically told myself that if anything textiley jumped out at me I could get it so long as I still had money for a blouse. I was feeling like I needed a change from all the bright colours I’d bought last year. Have you ever had a disconnected feeling to your wardrobe? Well, it happened to me in the middle of a meeting the other day. I looked down at what I was wearing and was quite unsettled; it really did not reflect how I was feeling whatsoever. Loud and bright with lots of clashing colours that “almost” worked. When I caught sight of my pink fluffy socks I cringed. What had I been thinking when I threw on my clothes that morning!?! I almost wished that I was back in the days when I wore a uniform to work, at least then everyone was the same. Aha! Is that what it was? A need to conform? Nah, definitely not. A need to merge into the background? Nah, that’s not really me. Hmmm, may be there’s change afoot? Maybe the unease I felt was a wish to change something?
As always I found myself gravitating towards the coloured stripes, interesting colour combos and also anything quirky woollen for my felting project (more on that another time.) I was focussed though this time and did not stray too much from the shirts and blouses. Ah, there it is, my reward for self-discipline. A gorgeous, patterned purple and dark grey Fat Face blouse. Stifling my puerile snigger at the name and a reminder of the self-description, pre the cheekbones that finally arrived post-30, I made my way to the counter. Good quality, dark colour and a lot more subtle than normal. Haha, is that the shape of things to come? Me – subtle? As I walked home I took off the felt corsage, which only last week I’d thought was really funky. Looking down at my white DMs, I suddenly despised them and wished they were a dark colour. What’s with the dark colour thing going on today I wondered? I’m definitely not turning back the clock to the gothic experiments of my youth. The black thing never lasted long but in retrospect at least it was quite handy from a laundry point of view.
A day or two later and carrying on the dark theme, I was determined to wear some dark coloured shoes, which I did. And then regretted, when the dark blue trainers got soaked in the rain. DMs it is then. Stuff the whimsy, I need solid, no matter what colour. Back to my quest for blouses, having just given yet another clothes donation to charity. I think of the massive clear-out I’m attempting at the moment, and I note how illogical it seems to be acquiring again. Perhaps it all goes hand in hand? Massive de cluttering going on, in more ways than one. Oh well, don’t fight it, let’s go with it I guess. After chatting to the volunteer, my eye immediately goes to the brights and whites. Old habits and all that. Nooooo! Maybe for the summer, but not for just now. I resist and realise that I just want to be quiet and thoughtful. Tis the season for it after all – a bit of self-reflection and change.

Time for self-reflection